Reclaim Your Boundaries: Learn To Trust Again in a Relationship

We talk about the moment you realize you are shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s comfort and why that does not mean you are “too much.” Then we get practical about boundaries and leaving, and I share a personal story about homelessness and the groups that helped me get safe again.

• avoidant attachment as fear of being consumed, not lack of care
• narcissistic relationship cycles like love bombing, withdrawal and hoovering
• building a gate not a wall, and auditing where you feel drained
• trust as a dimmer switch earned through consistent behavior
• the “I need” boundary script with real examples and consequences
• exit planning, safety planning, breakup scripts and no contact
• why stable housing is the foundation of health
• how the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless helps thousands each year

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Transcript

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If you are listening to this podcast on our live 365.com online radio station and want to download this podcast in its entirety, please visit greatday radio.com. Likewise, if you want to hear this podcast along with Great Music, visit Live365.com. Search Great Day Radio Smooth Jazz and be sure to add us as your favorite. Speaking of our online radio station, we will be making exclusive announcements for contests, giveaways, and how to enter to win. It is also the only place you will have to stay locked in to listen for the phrase that pays for instant prize giveaways, so long as you follow the instructions and the rules. In order to play to win, you must be 18 years or older, reside in the United States, and in some cases in Colorado. Thank you all for your love and support. Please share our shows. We have more great music coming up right after our topic of the day. Hello, my party peeps. Welcome to Great Day Radio's Relationship Talk Discussion. I'm DJ Mikey D, and today we're diving deep into something that hits home for so many of us. You ever felt like you were too much for someone who made you feel like you were nothing? That quiet, gnawing feeling where you're gaslit into thinking your independence is a problem? Let's talk about it. I know that feeling. It's like you're standing in a room full of people, but you're invisible. And the one person who should see you, who should love you for who you are, they make you feel like you're a burden. Like your needs are too much. Like your voice is too loud, and you start shrinking yourself piece by piece just to fit into their tiny little box. But here's the thing avoidant attachment isn't about not caring. It's about being terrified of being consumed. And narcissists, they love that fear. They'll love bomb you, make you feel like the center of the universe, then pull away so fast you're dizzy. That's the cycle. The hoovering, the withdrawal, the quiet pain of wondering if you're the broken one. Let me break that down a bit. Avoid an attachment, that's when someone craves closeness but runs from it because they're scared of losing themselves. They push you away before you can push them. And narcissists? They feed on that. They see that fear and they use it as a tool. They'll make you feel like you're too much, so you start apologizing for existing. But here's the truth, you're not broken. You're just learning to build a gate, not a wall. A gate lets you decide who's worthy of your inner sanctum. Reclaiming your boundaries starts with an audit of your soul. Ask yourself, where do I feel the most drained? What non-negotiable values were ignored? And be honest, have you been giving permission for mistreatment by failing to enforce consequences? I want you to take a moment, right now. Close your eyes if you can. Breathe. Think about the last time you felt that knot in your stomach, that feeling that something was off. That's your body's alarm system. It's screaming at you, but you've been trained to ignore it. Don't listen to it. So let's talk about boundaries. Trust is a dimmer switch, not a light switch. You don't just flip it on, you start with consistency in the small things, then you move to emotional validation, then radical transparency, then deep vulnerability, but only if they earn it. And when you set a boundary, use the I need formula. When you do this, I feel this. I need this to feel safe. If it's crossed, I will do this. Let me give you an example. Say your partner constantly interrupts you when you're talking. You say, when you interrupt me, I feel dismissed and unheard. I need you to let me finish my sentence before you respond. If it keeps happening, I'll need to take a break from this conversation to protect my peace. See how that works? It's clear, it's direct, and it's about your needs, not attacking them. But here's the hard part. You have to follow through. If you say you'll take a break, you take a break. If you say you'll leave, you leave. Because if you don't enforce the consequence, the boundary is just a suggestion. And that's how you end up back in the cycle. Now, let's talk about the exit plan. Because sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is walk away. Here's your step by step. First, get a safety plan. That could be a bag packed, a friend on speed dial, a place to crash. Second, write a breakup script. Practice it. Say it out loud. I'm ending this relationship because it's not healthy for me. I deserve to be with someone who sees me and respects my boundaries. Third, go no contact. Block them. Delete the number. Don't let them hoover you. Back in if you have kids together, that's a different story. Co-parent wisely. Keep communication strictly about the kids. Use a co-parenting app if you have to. And rebuild trust in yourself first. Because you can't trust someone else if you don't trust your own judgment. And listen to your body. That kn in your stomach. That's a boundary violation screaming to be heard. Your body knows before your mind does. So when you feel that tension, pause. Ask yourself what just happened? What boundary was crossed? What do I need right now? Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm DJ Mikey D, and today it's just me. I've got something a little different, a little more personal to share with you all. So grab your coffee, settle in. You ever have your entire life flip upside down in a single day? I mean completely, totally unrecognizably flip? That was me, not too long ago. I went through a sudden divorce, and just like that I found myself with nowhere to go. Nowhere. The absolute worst part, the timing. It was the dead of winter, temperatures dropping below freezing, and every single dollar I had, every cent, was going to support my family. I was completely, totally unprepared for something this devastating. I was out in the cold, literally and figuratively. It's a chill that gets in your bones and just stays. You know, we talk about health on this show a lot, mental health, physical health. Let me tell you, when your basic need for shelter isn't met, nothing else matters. Your health crumbles. The stress, the fear, the exhaustion, it takes everything. But then, some amazing people stepped in. Friends honestly, angels in disguise. They connected me with Veteran Services, and I'll be forever grateful for that. Who then connected me with the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless. Let me tell you, they were a lifesaver. In every sense of the word, they got me safe, they got me warm, they didn't just give me a bed, they gave me a path forward. They treated me with dignity when I felt I had none left. That's health. That's the foundation of health. And my story, it isn't unique. Not even close. The essential first step to ending homelessness, to rebuilding someone's health is so simple it sounds obvious, a home. A safe, stable place. The Colorado Coalition, they get this. They build more housing to end homelessness than anyone else in Colorado. They see over 14,000 people every single year for health services. 14,000, treating every single person with the respect we all deserve. Right now, they need our help. And I'm talking to you, my listeners, my community. A cash donation helps. Some non-perishable food, some warm clothing, it all helps. It's all critical. But what truly fuels their mission, what allows them to build that housing and provide that care are grants. So here's what I'm asking. If this resonated with you, if you've ever had a tough time or known someone who has, visit ColoradoCoalition.org. C O L O R A D O Coalition.org. Click Donate. Trust me on this. What seems like a little to you can be everything to someone who's hungry, scared, and just needs a warm, safe place to stay. It's the first, most vital step back to health for them and for our whole community. Before we continue with more great music, I would like to give a great big shout out to the staff at the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless. Big shout out to Brandy, Bailey, Jason, Tony at the Victory House, Trisha, Caroline, and the many other hardworking and dedicated staff that make it all happen. Thanks for listening, everyone. Take care of yourselves and each other. I'm DJ Mikey D. We'll talk soon. Stay locked in for more great music.