Love vs. Transactions: The Hidden Economics of Relationships

We explore the complex dynamics of transactional relationships, debating whether they're healthy arrangements or damaging to emotional connections through personal stories and expert perspectives.

• DJ Mikey D shares his divorce experience where his ex-wife accused him of having a transactional relationship while actually behaving transactionally herself
• His ex-wife repeatedly initiated divorce then reconciled when financially beneficial, revealing the manipulative pattern
• She secretly took out a $15,000 health policy on him and pressured him to sign after his lung disease diagnosis
• Dr. James Cook explains transactional relationships have evolved but remain common in various forms
• Relationship therapist Emily Nichols warns these arrangements often lead to emotional emptiness despite clear expectations
• Both experts emphasize that mutual respect and honest communication are essential regardless of relationship structure
• Balance between practical needs and emotional connection transforms transactional elements into healthy partnerships

The key to a successful marriage with transactional elements lies in balance. Couples should engage in ongoing dialogue about their needs and expectations, ensuring both emotional and practical aspects are addressed.

References:
- Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage. Viking.
- Finkel, E. J. (2017). The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Dutton.
- Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.
- Overall, N. C., & Simpson, J. A. (2015). "The Mindful Relationship: A Mindful Approach to Enduring Love in Intimate Relationships." Emotion, 15(5), 559-562.
- Regan, P. C., & Berscheid, E. (1995). "The Interplay of Probability and Desire in the Formation of Romantic Relationships." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(6), 1163-1168.
- Seabrook, R. C. (2018). "The Economics of Love: Understanding Relationships through Economic Principles." Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, 149, 334-345.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Transactional Relationships
• 2:10 DJ Mikey D's Personal Marriage Experience
• 5:19 Expert Insights from Dr. James Cook
• 6:44 Therapist Emily Nichols' Perspective
• 8:13 Health Insurance Exploitation Story
• 9:30 Final Thoughts and Show Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You are listening to the best podcast from the USA to the UK on GreatDayRadiocom.

Speaker 3: 0:08

Welcome to another Great Day Radio Relationship Talk podcast, where we discuss love, money and the spaces between. I am your host, dj Mikey D, along with my co-host and partner in crime, dj D Marie, for this podcast we will discuss transactional relationships and whether it is healthy or damaging in marriage or any relationship. Stay tuned as we dive in right after these important messages.

Speaker 1: 0:32

This is DJ Tyler. Thank you for tuning into Great Day Radio. We are the People's Station. Are you in the Denver Metro or San Francisco Bay Area? Did you know we host amazing parties? Join Great Day Radio Entertainment and learn how we can bring the party to your next event. We provide quality mobile DJs, live bands and photo booth party. We provide services for weddings, corporate events, birthdays and much more. Visit greatdayradiotertainmentcom to learn more or call toll-free 800-213-9603 to talk to an event planner today. Stay tuned for more great music and talk shows. Be sure to log in and comment on any of our talk shows.

Speaker 3: 1:20

Welcome back to Relationship Podcast Talk on GreatDayRadiocom. To me, relationships should be about genuine connection and emotional depth, not transactions or exchanges. Today, we're exploring the concept of transactional relationships, debating the pros and cons and hearing from experts on the subject.

Speaker 4: 1:39

This is DJ DeMarie, and I hold the belief that transactional relationships can be a healthy, mutually beneficial arrangement for both parties involved. Dj Mikey D, I can always count on you to have a story about your ongoing divorce and how you navigated your marriage. You had mentioned in our past discussions that you felt your marriage was transactional. Would you care to touch on what makes you feel that it was?

Speaker 3: 2:11

Great question, considering the topic for which we are discussing. Looking back to when she announced the recent divorce, she stated within a conversation where I was having a discussion about paying down on debt, specifically her car note she was upside down on In the conversation she went on attack and accused me of having a transactional relationship with her. Therefore she wanted a divorce. Since that time I have had time to reflect on our marriage and realized it was not me, it was her that was very transactional with me. Let me explain. Just before my son was born, she was attempting to sabotage our relationship, just before my deployment while serving in the army. In the weeks afterwards she announced she was expecting our son. While I felt it was best for both of us and our unborn child, I asked for her hand in marriage, considering I was about to deploy in a hostile environment in Afghanistan. In my mind I knew she was not ready for marriage, just as I was not mentally there yet either, considering she tried leaving our relationship. Nevertheless, we got married and it was with hopes we can grow and get past our differences. When I look back on those times, I think she could have chose not to move forward with the marriage but opted to get married for financial stability. I do not hold that against her. Considering the situation. I won't get too much into the entire marriage. You can listen to the podcast about sabotage in relationships at greatdayradiocom.

Speaker 3: 3:39

In pre-COVID-19, she announced that she wanted a divorce. In doing so, while devastating to me at the time, I started the separation process by separating banks, moving out of the apartment and ultimately planning to move out of state In the coming month or so, she began reeling me back in as if she wanted to work on our relationship. However, while I accepted the opportunity, she was not physically or emotionally intimate. There was no emotional connection. And she accepted the opportunity, she was not physically or emotionally intimate. There was no emotional connection. And she still remained distant as she did pre-COVID.

Speaker 3: 4:11

Months later, she set up a situation with a neighbor in an attempt to say that I was cheating and give reason to announce once more a divorce. Once again, I packed up quickly and vacated the apartment. Once again, she reeled it back in and wanted to reconcile our relationship. Looking back on it all, she did these things because it was in her best interest financially, because she knew I would maintain the rent, the bills and have stability for the kids. She played up to my nature to care and the confidence that she knew she could depend on me to show up for the family, all in the name of love. In a decision that we move in with her parents to work on our bills, she used me until she felt comfortable enough to drive the final nail in the heart and asked for a divorce. At that point she did not need to rely on me, as she had her parents to depend on.

Speaker 3: 5:06

I would highly encourage you to listen to our relationship podcast category. There you will get a gist of my marriage life and the divorce process. So, djd, when we talk about transactional relationships, what do we actually mean For our listeners? We're referring to those relationships where there's an implicit or explicit exchange, often involving money, gifts or other tangible benefits.

Speaker 4: 5:30

Right. I think it's critical to understand that, while some might argue these relationships provide stability, they often lack emotional depth. To illustrate our points, we've invited two experts to share their perspectives.

Speaker 3: 5:43

First up we have Dr James Cook, a sociologist specializing in modern relationships. Dr Cook, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me, dr Cook, in your research. How common are transactional relationships and what do they look like in today's society?

Speaker 5: 6:00

Transactional relationships have been around for centuries, but have evolved. Today they're more overt due to technological advances and changing social norms. They range from traditional arrangements like marriage for economic stability to modern practices seen on certain online platforms.

Speaker 4: 6:17

Dr Cook, do you believe these relationships can be as fulfilling as those based on emotional connection?

Speaker 5: 6:24

It depends on what each party values. For some, the security and predictability outweigh the need for deep emotional ties outweigh the need for deep emotional ties. That said, they can lack the intimacy found in more emotionally driven relationships, which could lead to dissatisfaction over time.

Speaker 3: 6:40

Fascinating. Next, we're joined by relationship therapist Emily Nichols, who has a slightly different take.

Speaker 2: 6:46

Hello listeners, thank you for inviting me.

Speaker 4: 6:49

Emily, how do you view transactional relationships in the context of mental and emotional well-being?

Speaker 2: 6:56

I often see them as potentially problematic. While they might work initially, they can lead to feelings of emptiness or exploitation if the balance, tips or expectations aren't clearly communicated. Emotional fulfillment usually stems from genuine mutual care and connection.

Speaker 3: 7:13

emotional- fulfillment usually stems from genuine mutual care and connection. But isn't there something to be said about setting?

Speaker 2: 7:20

clear expectations from the start. In these transactions, absolutely, clarity is essential, but it doesn't always prevent the emotional pitfalls that many encounter when they realize a tangible exchange doesn't equate to genuine affection or love.

Speaker 4: 7:33

Before we wrap up Dr Cook, do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 5: 7:36

I'd say understanding the implications and dynamics at play in any relationship, transactional or otherwise, is crucial. It's about what you're both comfortable with and ensuring mutual respect.

Speaker 3: 7:48

Thanks Dr Cook and Emily for your valuable insights. It's clear that transactional relationships are complex and can vary widely based on expectations and personal values.

Speaker 4: 7:58

Thank you, DJ Mikey D, for contributing your perspective to this podcast show. Before you go, you had mentioned a situation with your ex that recently occurred regarding your recent health issues. Would you mind explaining briefly?

Speaker 3: 8:13

Not at all. I have recently been diagnosed with lung issues. In recent months, I have learned that my ex had taken out a supplemental health policy on me that would pay up to $15,000. Keep in mind this policy was never discussed with me during our marriage. She has been pressing me to sign the documents to reap the benefits off my significant health issues, to pay off a tax debt that was brought up at the end of our relationship. This was heartbreaking and disturbing. I could not honor her demands, considering that I never looked at our relationship or marriage as transactional.

Speaker 4: 8:50

Wow, that is disturbing and so sorry. You are dealing with your health issues. My prayers are with you, my friend, whether you're for or against them. It's important to have these conversations and reflect on what works best for you and your partner. Thanks for tuning in to Love Money and the Spaces Between.

Speaker 3: 9:10

Thank you for tuning in to Great Day Radio's Relationship Podcast Show. Remember, the key to a successful marriage with transactional elements lies in balance. Couples should engage in ongoing dialogue about their needs and expectations, ensuring both emotional and practical aspects are addressed. Understanding and adapting to each other's needs can transform a transaction-laden relationship into a more holistic partnership. Thank you again for listening. Continue to share our shows and showing the love Until next time.

Speaker 2: 9:43

You are listening to the People Station on GreatDayRadiocom.