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Great Day Radio
Parental Alienating and Sabotage Mindset in Relationships
Emotional and effective communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. Yet, misunderstandings can leave partners feeling isolated and unconnected. Throughout our conversation, we unveil the complexity behind communication struggles in marriage and delve into themes of alienation after divorce.
• Exploring why partners talk to others about relationship issues
• Acknowledging the dynamics of parental alienation post-divorce
• Recognizing self-sabotage in relationships as a common behavior
• The importance of self-awareness and changing communication patterns
If you enjoyed today's conversation and found it helpful, don't forget to share your thoughts and experiences with us. We’d love to hear from you!
References:
- Baumeister, R. F. (1993). Self-esteem: The puzzle of low self-regard. Springer US.
- Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Penguin.
- Gottman, J. M. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last. Simon and Schuster.
- Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511.
- Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown.
- Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12.
- Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity. Harper.
- Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for Love: How understanding your partner's brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger Publications.
- van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
Great Day Radio Sources:
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Speaker 2:Station on GreatDayRadiocom.
Speaker 1:Hi, my name is Katie from Miami, florida. This question is for DJ DeMarie. So I've been married for over 10 years. Me and my husband share two kids together. We have been struggling in our relationship for a very long time. In your podcast on relationships, you touched on communications. The concern I have in my marriage is I found out that my husband has been having conversations about our marriage problems with other women. I don't think he is having any relationships with them, however, it bothers me. My question is why does he do that and should I be concerned? I confronted him about it and he shuts down. He did say that I shut him down and refused to listen. I am not sure how to respond. Is it me or is he just a poor communicator?
Speaker 4:Is he really a poor communicator or are you a conversation bully? I've said this before and I feel like it's worth saying again so many times. As women, we will get these ideas in our head and we just going to run with it. We going to go, we are going to take over the conversation and then we will give the illusion that we are going to allow him to say something and as soon as he says something we do not like, we jump back in and we take over the conversation again, or, worst, we deflect the conversation. We blame him for past issues.
Speaker 4:So then, when he shuts down, or when he stops talking to you, or when he starts talking to another woman because she makes him feel emotionally safe, she hears him, she allows him to say whatever it is he needs to say then we want to get mad because he's not communicating with us, or we want to get mad because he's talking to another woman about us or about what's going on in our relationship. Like you should be talking to me, since he tried to talk to you and you would not let that man get a word in. So all I'm saying is, before you accuse him of being a poor communicator, take a look at how your conversations go, especially when you are mad or especially when you're on a rampage. Do you even give that man the space to say whatever it is he needs to say without you making him feel like he can't Just be mindful of his feelings and try not to make it about you? When it comes to marriage and relationships, it's about the both of you together, especially when kids are a part of your lives.
Speaker 2:Welcome to another Great Day Radio podcast on relationships. I'm your host, dj Mikey D, along with DJ DJ Bella, dj Tyler and DJ DeMarie. For this podcast we will be discussing navigating life after divorce, specifically on the subject of parental alienation after a divorce. Later in the program we will also discuss relationship sabotage and ways to recognize it. Stay tuned after these messages.
Speaker 3:Welcome to Great Day Radio, your endless stream of auditory bliss that transcends boundaries and ways to recognize it. Stay tuned after these messages memories directly to your digital doorstep. Thank you so much for becoming a fan of Great Day Radio. We have so much to talk about. Stay tuned, as we are working on several new podcasts from money talk, politics, technology and many more important topics. Thank you again for all of your support.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to the Healing Path, your weekly podcast where we dive into the complex journeys of life, post-divorce and separation. I'm DJ Mikey D.
Speaker 5:And I am DJ Tyler, your co-host.
Speaker 4:And I'm DJ Bella. Today we're going to tackle a topic that affects many men after divorce alienation, Specifically, how some men find themselves feeling isolated or alienated by their ex-wives post-separation.
Speaker 5:This is a subject that doesn't get as much airtime as it should. While divorce is tough for everyone involved, the feeling of being alienated can be especially challenging for men. It's more than just physical separation it's emotional and psychological too.
Speaker 4:Absolutely Many men report feeling like the outsider when it comes to family dynamics, especially when children are involved. They may find themselves cut off from important familial activities and decisions. For example, the other day I was having a conversation with one of my besties. While I support her as she is going through a divorce, I do recognize that her ex has been a very supporting father. However, the dynamics changed when she opted for divorce and forced her ex-husband out of the house. As she was venting, she took on the mindset that she was the only person that took on the emotional toll the kids were experiencing.
Speaker 4:I could not help but feel she dismissed the father completely, as if he walked out intentionally, not wanting nothing to do with the kids. It is a common theme to minimize a good father after a divorce. I could relate to her view if the father she dismissed was abusive or other elements such as drugs played a role, but in her case it was her decision to move away from the relationship. From a women's point of view, I think we all ask for equality. However, we are so quick to blaming men, even if we are the one initiating everything.
Speaker 2:Listeners, if you're going through this, know you're not alone. Our aim for this podcast is to explore why this happens and how one might cope or address this alienation. Divorce and separation represent a significant disruption in familial structures, often impacting parental relationships with children. In many instances, divorced fathers experience a sense of alienation from their children, a phenomenon that sociologists and psychologists are beginning to explore in greater depth.
Speaker 4:Let's start by understanding why this happens in the first place. Divorce is a significant emotional upheaval and for some, handling post-divorce relationships can be difficult. There might be residual feelings of resentment or anger that lead to this alienation.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and sometimes it's less about intentional alienation and more about new boundaries being set, but consequences can be profound, especially regarding the father-child relationship.
Speaker 4:That's right. Alienation can strain these relationships, leading to misunderstanding and distance. It's crucial to maintain open lines of communication with your ex where possible, to ensure that both parents are part of the child's life.
Speaker 5:Also seeking mediation or counseling can be beneficial. Professionals can offer a neutral ground to sort out grievances and work towards healthier co-parenting dynamics.
Speaker 4:And remember, staying connected with your support network friends, family or support groups is key. They can provide emotional support and advice based on their experiences.
Speaker 2:Great points, Bella. Building strong post-divorce life involves patience and sometimes professional help. It's important to prioritize children's well-being, as they often feel caught in the middle.
Speaker 4:Yes, let's not forget that this is a transitional phase for everyone involved. While it's challenging, it can also be an opportunity for personal growth and redefining your role in the family.
Speaker 2:And to our listeners out there. We want to hear from you. Share your stories and any strategies that have worked for you in coping with post-divorce alienation. Reach out on our social media platforms or hit the let's Talk section of greatdayradiocom and leave a one or two 60-second message.
Speaker 4:Thank you for joining us today on the Healing Path. We hope you found some insights to help navigate this challenging aspect of life after divorce as we wrap up this podcast. Alienation of men from their children post-divorce is a complex issue with deep psychological, social and legal roots. By acknowledging the dynamics involved and striving for systemic changes, it is possible to foster healthier relationships between divorced fathers and their children, ultimately benefiting families as a whole. And remember, healing is a journey, not a destination healthier relationships between divorced fathers and their children, ultimately benefiting families as a whole.
Speaker 2:And remember healing is a journey, not a destination. Until next time, take care and keep moving forward.
Speaker 5:Thanks for tuning in. We hope this podcast discussion brings comfort and insight as you navigate your path after divorce. This is DJ Tyler. We appreciate your love and support. Next up we have DJ DeMarie as she discusses sabotage within relationships.
Speaker 4:Hello and welcome to Great Day Radio's Relationship Talk, your go-to podcast for unraveling the mysteries of human relationships. I'm your host, dj DeMarie, for this podcast. We're tackling a self-destructive force in relationships the mindset sabotage.
Speaker 2:Stay tuned after these messages from our sponsors and supporters. This podcast, and all of our podcasts, are dedicated to cancer foundations hoping for a future cure. This is dj mikey d. While I do not often discuss my personal life on air, I recently discovered I have the beginning stages of lung cancer. For this segment, we support organizations such as the American Cancer Society. They are a leading cancer-fighting organization with a vision to end cancer as we know it for everyone. Acs are improving the lives of people with cancer and their families as the only organization combating cancer through advocacy, research and patient support to ensure that everyone has an opportunity to prevent, detect, treat and survive cancer. To find out more information about what they offer or to donate to their causes, visit cancerorg or call toll-free 1-800-227-2345. Thank you for your support and together we can find a cure for cancer.
Speaker 4:Relationships, with all their complexities, often mirror the deepest parts of our psyche. At the heart of many failed relationships lies the phenomenon of self-sabotage, a mindset characterized by behaviors that undermine or destroy bonds, driven by subconscious fears and insecurities. Have you ever found yourself questioning why relationships, despite the love and effort, sometimes seem to crumble? Relationship sabotage often lurks beneath the surface, driven by subconscious fears and unspoken insecurities. I have DJ Mikey D here with me to discuss his recent divorce. I know we have discussed in great detail about your relationship with your ex. In those discussions you had mentioned sabotage in your marriage or relationship. Would you mind sharing your thoughts later in this podcast?
Speaker 2:Always great co-hosting with you on relationship topics you host. So yes, I do not mind at all. I do want to encourage our listeners to listen to those podcasts on relationships on greatdayradiocom under the relationship category. There you will get a better understanding of the divorce I went through and how I perceived and understood the sabotage in our relationship.
Speaker 4:Awesome. So what makes people self-sabotage their relationship? So what makes people self-sabotage their relationship? People might sabotage due to a lack of self-esteem, fear of vulnerability or early life experiences that have wired them to expect the worst. Before I get more involved in the topic, dj Mikey D, tell me how did you recognize when your ex started the sabotage in your relationship?
Speaker 2:Just before my son was born and prior to us getting married, my ex in fact admitted to me that her past relationships she would self-sabotage them. Weeks before finding out my ex was pregnant, she made attempts to push me away.
Speaker 4:Wow, how did you handle it when you recognized she was pushing you away?
Speaker 2:I have to admit it was hurtful. I recalled the conversation we had about her past relationships. I wanted to push past this effort and prove to her that I was in love with her and was in it for the long haul. The timing sealed the deal when weeks later, she announced she was pregnant.
Speaker 4:While we will not get into the entire 14-year relationship over time, were there other patterns of sabotage within the marriage that you recognized?
Speaker 2:While I did not think much about it during the time of our marriage since being apart, however, I have had time to reflect on the past. One of the issues we often had was a lack of communications or transparency, especially when it came to finances. In fact, I almost lost my job in the army because of those issues. For example, oftentimes bills were not discussed or disclosed to me and I had to discover the issues the hard way, through either collections or, even worse, my job. There was never accountability. There was never a plan for a solution to those issues. In fact, it was deflected and the blame was towards her father and his money habits, while known problems existed in our relationship. I would propose marriage counseling, and there was no interest from her to work on our problems. It was just swept under the carpet.
Speaker 2:Just before COVID-19, she announced that she wanted a divorce. She brought up past issues and mistakes to justify her desire to leave the relationship. However, we moved past it and she decided she wanted to work it out. Months later, she set up a situation with a third party and attempted to use that as a means to announce another divorce. Throughout all these attempts, however, she kept reeling me back in when I reflect upon it now, she was just using me, I think, with fear that I would leave town, thus leaving her with the kids. In those times, however, she remained distant and unaffectionate. It was not until we moved in with her parents to help her ailing father she made the final push to leave the relationship. So there were plenty of signs and unnoticeable patterns. While I put up a hard fight to stay in the relationship, she, on the other hand, was always on the run and found excuses to sabotage it.
Speaker 4:Wow, I have to admit it is a typical pattern for many women that I know and I have been known to partake in sabotaging a few relationships With that. In your opinion, how do guys play a role in sabotaging their relationships?
Speaker 2:Great question. Men are just as equal in sabotaging relationship as women. I do, however, think it is subjective. For example, youthful or immature guys are just playing the field and not taking the relationship serious, so they may, for example, walk out the relationship with no explanation or communications. Those who are in a long-term relationship may stray because of boredom in the marriage or relationship, or they put themselves in situations to get caught cheating to leave the relationship under chaos. Then there are those that lack the infection, intimacy and communications in the relationship from their partner. Perhaps they tried talking about it, but the other party was not hearing them, so they develop reasons to depart the relationship.
Speaker 4:Those are some great points. Thank you for sharing your opinion. From a guy's point of view, I agree. It is equal in nature.
Speaker 4:So how do you know if you or your partner might be sabotaging the relationship? As we mentioned, here are some signs you may recognize when your partner is constantly seeking reassurance or validation, Creating distance when things start to get too close, Exhibiting jealousy or controlling behaviors, being overly critical or dismissive of your partner. If any of this sounds familiar, it's crucial to take a step back and assess the relationship dynamics. Recognizing these signs early can pave the way for change and healing. Changing a sabotaging mindset starts with self-awareness. Reflect on your past relationships and identify patterns. Journaling or talking to a therapist can be incredibly beneficial in unveiling underlying fears. Once you recognize these patterns, communicate openly with your partner. Vulnerability, though scary, is a powerful antidote to sabotage. Discuss your feelings, fears and thoughts, fostering a space where both partners feel safe and understood. Practicing mindfulness can also be a game changer. By staying present, you can better identify when you're slipping into old habits and choose a new, healthier response.
Speaker 4:Sabotage in relationships doesn't have to be the end. It's an opportunity for growth and transformation. By understanding and addressing the root causes, you can strengthen your relationship and build a more solid foundation. Strengthen your relationship and build a more solid foundation. Remember, every relationship requires work from both partners. Support each other, seek professional help if needed and commit to the journey of growing together. Thank you, DJ Mikey D, for sharing your perspective and experience firsthand To our listeners. Thank you for joining us on Heart Talk Podcast. If today's topic resonated with you, don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who might need to hear it. Together, we can create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Speaker 2:Until next time. I am DJ Mikey D, and it is my pleasure to be here with you.
Speaker 4:And I am DJ D Marie, your relationship coach. If you have a subject you would like to discuss, please click on the let's Talk category.
Speaker 3:You are listening to the People Station on GreatDayRadiocom.
