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Finding Strength in New Beginnings: DJ Mikey D's Journey from Divorce to Self-Discovery
Navigating divorce can be a challenging journey filled with emotional turmoil and practical steps. DJ Mikey D shares his personal experience of ending a 14-year marriage while discussing the complexities of relationships, the importance of communication, and the significance of allowing oneself to heal.
• The emotional impact of divorce and the importance of grieving
• Key legal steps to consider when divorcing
• Practical challenges faced during the divorce process
• The need for open communication in relationships
• Reflections on personal experiences and lessons learned
• Advice for moving forward and embracing a new chapter
• Resources available for support during the healing process
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Speaker 2:Welcome to Great Day Radio podcast, where we talk relationships. I am DJ DeMarie. On this episode, we will be discussing life after love. We will be talking with DJ Mikey D as he discusses his divorce after a long, 14-year marriage.
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Speaker 2:Welcome to Life After Love, the podcast where we unpack the complexities of divorce, offer support and share insights to help guide you through the process. I'm your host, dj DeMarie, along with DJ Mikey D. Today we are focusing on the pivotal steps involved in divorcing a partner. I know rather personal, but are you ready to break down your marriage and divorce after 14 years?
Speaker 3:Hi, dj DeMarie. You have been so engaging with me on many topics, from being a veteran and my well-being, from going to war to relationships. First, I have to say, when you took on the role to be a relationship host, your journalist skills have been amazing. So, yes, I think I am ready to share with the audience. After spending 14 long years and two amazing kids, it would be good to reflect on the good and the bad and hopefully help others who are listening open up about their own marital issues and how to deal with them.
Speaker 2:Entering into a divorce after such a long-term relationship is undoubtedly challenging. It involves layers of shared experiences and intertwined lives. Let's break down this process together, focusing on the emotional, legal and practical steps you'll encounter. Dj Mikey D, would you mind sharing with the audience how you and your ex-wife met, what brought you together and how did the divorce affect you emotionally during the fallout?
Speaker 3:Sure, I will try narrowing it down for time sakes. We met in late 2009 while I was stationed at Fort Polk, louisiana, during my army days. I just returned from a long 18-month deployment. We met through a dating app. We had a lot in common then, as we still do. I think we both had a dream of owning a house with a wall full of books. We laughed for hours on end. She really helped me focus while I was working through my law degree. She was from Colorado.
Speaker 3:I am a huge believer in fate and, ironically, while contemplating at the time to leave the army, my post-general approached me and asked that I re-enlist. I agreed. Shortly after re-upping, I received orders for a change of duty station to Fort Carson, colorado, to a soon-to-be-deployed unit. Fate aligned me and my wife to meet. We hit it off immediately and developed a great friendship. I believe we were soulmates. Eventually I met the parents and adored them. Her dad was a Catholic deacon and mother, much the same. They, in my eyes, were the parents I never had. They have such an amazing heart.
Speaker 3:As we built our relationship and as I got closer to redeploying back to Afghanistan, our relationship had a bit of a snag, as I had discovered from my ex in her past relationships. She admittedly told me she sabotaged them. Ironically, not long afterwards she began doing the same with me. Because I loved her deeply, I chose to not feed into her insecurities. Within weeks after confronting her of my observation, she announced she was pregnant with my son. While it was a joy, I was also apprehensive because she was not ready for a long-term relationship. Despite that, I felt that I was so close to deploying to a rough area of Afghanistan I did not have time to confront our relationship issues, so I proposed and asked for her hand in marriage. I felt that in my heart that we would overcome her insecurities and we would grow on each other. As I was not perfect either, so in a way I felt it would be an adventure and a journey.
Speaker 3:For time's sakes, I would recommend you listen to the podcast Unlocking Relationship Success on GreatDayRadiocom under Relationship Category. There I briefly talk about the problems we had. I will try and fill in some areas where our marital issues started To answer your question. The effects of the divorce has taken a toll on me mentally, as I am unable to see my kiddos the way it was. It's hard to imagine that weeks prior there were no indications that it was coming the ex-wife as quickly and as surprisingly, announcing her position to divorce. I had to vacate her parents' home within days. I had no chance to react. Within days, I had no chance to react. I had no saved funds to get into a living quarters, since I paid the rent, helped with the car, note insurance and anything else I can help with. What was worst, she cut off all verbal communications and discarded my stuff in a storage as if I did not exist. That was very hard. It has been a horrible experience overall.
Speaker 2:Wow, I am so sorry you are experiencing the hardship of such an emotional situation. The first step is often the hardest dealing with the emotional fallout. Acknowledge that this is a major life change that can trigger a roller coaster of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and consider reaching out to a therapist who can provide guidance and support. Would you mind sharing more about your marriage journey in the beginning and what do you think led to the divorce?
Speaker 3:Great question. As I mentioned previously, we met in 2009 through a dating app. I also mentioned that we were soulmates. I truly believe that. I recall, while not meeting each other physically, we engaged each other through many phone conversations for hours and built a great friendship. Again, for time's sakes, I spare you the beginnings and will take you down our journey and piece it together, as I reflect. The first sign that we had issues is just before my son was born. As I mentioned, she was engaged with sabotaging our relationship just before my son was born. Unfortunately, due to deployment obligations, there were no time to think about why, other than it was her pattern in past relationships.
Speaker 3:During my deployment it was very challenging, as I had taken on losses of my comrades, amongst other mental challenges of dealing with war. To top it off, within a few months into war, I received the news that my wife was defaulting on bills and nearly got our vehicle repossessed In the military. This not acceptable and could have put my career in jeopardy. Fortunately, I had amazing leadership who believed I would fix it. When I returned from that deployment, I was very angry, distant and depressed. I was angry and resentful at her for not communicating to me about her debt, before our marriage and after my discovery during the deployment, I think. At the time I felt doubtful and questioned if I made a good choice in getting married. I recall there was a heated argument at the time and there was a series of judgments I made that further threw a snag in our relationship that I deeply regretted then and now.
Speaker 3:In that situation I had to do some soul searching and reflect on my own life, past and present. I knew that I had to work through these challenges. I knew that, despite the red flags, I had to come to terms that we both were not perfect and that I should stick it out rather than bail on the relationship. Unfortunately, I received orders almost immediately after returning from war to go to another duty station in Germany and to another soon-to-be-deployed unit. I had no time to reset. I had no time to seek help. I just had no time. Nevertheless, I had gone out to Germany alone, not knowing how to bring a family out while heading into another deployment. It was all new territory for me in regards to the family dynamics while in the military.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, my heart goes out to you both. I don't know what I would have done, considering all the challenges so far you have had. Military life is not for the weak, that is for sure.
Speaker 3:It certainly is not. I know that the Germany trip had a profound effect on our relationship and added another layer of stresses and insecurities. I did deploy while out in Germany and ended up getting additional injuries that ultimately landed me back to the States. I received orders to Fort Lewis, washington. There we were finally going to be together as one family unit. I was so excited to be able to start building our relationship and watching out two babies grow.
Speaker 3:As time went on, it was discovered that she was once again defaulted on debt and car payments. Ultimately, the car was repossessed. I was so angry at the time. Fortunately, I was winding down my army career so I did not have to worry about getting chaptered out for debt issues. Nevertheless, it put another obstacle in our path. I felt then that there were no trust, as it was twice she failed to communicate with me regarding finances. I recall looking at her in our living room and she thinking that I was going to leave her, admittedly so. I thought about it. However, I could not imagine me without her. Despite the trust issues we both developed in our relationship, despite the lack of communications from her regarding family finances, when I measured the good, I could not see myself walking away. I remember looking to her and recalling why I adored her so much and her amazing qualities. She is an amazing mom. We always seem to find humor and laughter. She is such amazing mom. We always seem to find humor and laughter. She is such a passionate person. Despite the bad, she was working on her issues and felt like she was making changes within herself. That was hope enough for me, because I loved her, as she had made me a better person.
Speaker 3:We spent over a year when I exited the army in Washington. Things were great and I thought we were heading in a great direction with our relationship. Due to work circumstances, she made a tough decision to leave Washington while I was in school back to Colorado. It was then I discovered she was having phone chats with a person while in Colorado. When I brought it to her attention, while initially in denial, she admitted she was lonely. That was hard on me, no doubt. Then all I knew is we had a lot of issues to work on. I knew we had faults and trust issues. Because of that and the fact we are not perfect, I continued to do what I could do to save our relationship.
Speaker 3:Speed forward to pre-COVID-19,. I started to see her drift. She was avoiding me non-affectionate, had a mental distance. At the time, I took on a job that was long hours. The goal then was to pay off debt and eventually get into our own house. We even added two amazing fur babies to the family. It was shortly after that she announced she wanted a divorce. That was devastating, as my mind was set on the future. We eventually worked through it. However, it was short-lived, as she announced it again. Certainly that should have been the tipping point. However, I still felt like her. The family was worth fighting for A leap forward. She opted to move into her parents' home to help them out due to health issues with her father. I went along not knowing that she was preparing to send me on my way in the worst possible scenario.
Speaker 2:Wow, that is rough and can't imagine holding on for so long. On one hand, you two are perfect for each other. However, on the other hand, you both have had challenges that tested you both. I do commend you for doing what you could to fight for your love, your family. If you were to look at your relationship from the outside, in, how would you summarize your marriage and how would you have done anything different if you could go back in time? Lastly, if you could write her a letter, what would you say to her?
Speaker 3:Oh my, okay. When I reflect on our relationship overall, I think time was against us from the beginning. For example, in the early stages we were at the discovery of our love. We ended up creating a baby. Then I had to rush off to war. We discovered serious flaws in our relationship at the time. However, due to timing, we never actually got help as I was ramping up for another deployment. We finally got to a place where we were going to officially start our lives together, to run into those flaws that kept resurfacing. Circumstances once again separated us and we were apart once again. Covid happened. That added strain to the relationship. So, despite 14 years of marriage, we really have not had a chance to seek professional help and work on repairing or rebuilding our relationship.
Speaker 3:I think going through this process we were both lonely as we were together. She stopped giving me attention, affection, connection and conversations. We are both guilty of going outside our relationship to console in others. Looking back, sure, there are things I would change, things that happened that I wish didn't happen. However, I would not change us. Despite both of our flaws, we were great together. I believe we were meant for each other as we were both making changes, even if she did not think so, writing a letter to my ex. That is asking a lot, as I can write pages.
Speaker 2:Ah, I can hear the love you still have for her despite the separation. Okay, say how you feel, things that you would say, that you wish you would have said, or things you wish you would have done better.
Speaker 3:Wow, you are so pushy. Okay, here I go. Dear G, I hope this podcast finds you well. I've taken some time to reflect on our past and felt it important to share my thoughts and express some feelings that have been on my mind. Firstly, I want to express my gratitude for the time we shared and the love that grew between us. Those memories are invaluable and I deeply appreciate the experiences we had together. Our journey was unique and filled with moments that helped shape who I am today.
Speaker 3:In reflecting on our relationship, I recognized there were personal faults on my side that contributed to our struggles. I could have communicated better and been more attentive to your needs and feelings. Often I let my pride and assumptions overshadow the respect and understanding I should have extended to you consistently. If these actions ever caused you pain or made you feel undervalued, I am truly sorry. Despite these shortcomings, the love we shared was genuine and profound. It has taught me important lessons about patience, empathy and the importance of cherishing the people around us. I genuinely hope that you have found happiness and peace in the chapters that followed our own. Thank you for being a significant part of my life. I wish you nothing but the best in all your endeavors. If there is ever a chance to sit down and catch up, I'd welcome the opportunity. However, I understand if maintaining distance is what you prefer. Take care, and may life continue to bring you wonderful moments.
Speaker 2:Ah, short but sweet. Great job, DJ Mikey D. I do send positive vibes that someday you both find each other in friendship. As a single mother myself, it is not easy raising babies alone and wish their father was in their lives on a regular basis. Thank you for opening up and sharing your journey.
Speaker 3:I am glad to share my journey. It is with hopes that my journey will help other couples consider their options. What you don't want to do is getting it to a breaking point for either parties, especially when kids are involved. Ultimately, it's the kiddos that pays the price.
Speaker 2:Okay, on to the show. Once you've started to process your emotions, it's important to understand the legal steps involved. Hiring a qualified divorce attorney is crucial. They can help you navigate the complexities of the law and advocate for your interests, collect all relevant documents, such as financial statements and asset records, to prepare for discussions regarding settlements. Transparent communication with your partner can facilitate a smoother legal process, and mediation can be a valuable tool in reaching an amicable agreement. Stay tuned as we continue this discussion after this message.
Speaker 1:This is DJ Tyler. Thank you for tuning into GreatDayRadiocom. We are your party mix online radio station and podcast show. Do you have that special loved one you want to dedicate a song to? Do you want to give a special shout out to that special person or two? Visit GreatDayRadiocom, hit the let's Talk category and leave a 60-second message. Thank you for taking the time to listen to our shows and sharing the love.
Speaker 3:Welcome back. Next, let's talk about the practical aspects of divorce. This includes the division of assets and, if applicable, making decisions about child custody. Start by listing shared assets and debts and think about what arrangements will be best for all involved. Consider how your lifestyle might change, from altering your living situation to managing finances independently. Consulting with a financial advisor can help you create a realistic post-divorce budget.
Speaker 2:Lastly, focus on the future. Divorce is an ending, but it also marks the beginning of a new chapter. Take time to rediscover your interests and passions and set new personal and professional goals for yourself. It's essential to practice self-care and patience during this transition. Surround yourself with positivity and remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. That wraps up today's episode of Life After Love. Thank you for joining us as we navigate the path through divorce. Remember you're not alone and there are resources and support systems available to help you move forward. Make sure to subscribe and tune in next week for more discussions on embracing change and finding strength in adversity. Until then, take care of yourself. I am DJ DeMarie and it is always a pleasure to spread great vibes.
Speaker 3:This is DJ Mikey D. Goodbye for now and remember brighter days are ahead, peace and love.
