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Navigating the Emotional Earthquake: DJ Mikey D on Supporting Children Through Surprise Divorce

Great Day Radio Season 4 Episode 43

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Surprise divorce announcements can feel like an emotional earthquake, leaving children in a whirlwind of shock, confusion, and fear about the future. Join us as DJ Mikey D shares his deeply personal journey through a sudden divorce, offering a raw and honest account of the emotional toll it took on him and his children. With our focus on understanding these profound impacts, we explore strategies for parents to navigate this challenging transition with empathy and strength. Through Mikey's story and insights, we aim to shed light on the crucial importance of recognizing and validating children's emotions during such a tumultuous time.

As we discuss the importance of building stability and maintaining open communication, we highlight the vital roles of love, patience, and professional support. Our conversation underscores the necessity for parents to provide a safe and supportive environment to help children adjust to new family dynamics. Encouraging listeners to engage with us, we invite you to share your own stories or suggest topics for future discussions. Together, let's create a community of understanding and support for families going through the profound changes that divorce can bring.

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Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

Welcome to another Great Day Radio discussion. I am DJ DeMarie. For this podcast show we will discuss the impact of surprise divorce announcements on children and what parents need to know. Stay tuned after these messages from our sponsor.

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Speaker 2:

Welcome back. Thank you for tuning in to Great Day Radio. Divorce is never an easy process, especially when it comes unexpectedly. For parents, the focus often shifts toward managing their own emotions, navigating legalities and figuring out the logistics of splitting up their lives. But for children, the emotional turmoil can be even more intense, especially when the announcement of divorce comes as a surprise. In this podcast, we will explore how surprise divorce announcements affect children and provide some insights based on both research and real-life experience. Understanding the emotional and psychological impact on children is critical in helping parents manage this transition with care. My co-host, DJ Mikey D, will share the stage as he discusses his take based on his own experience, having gone through a nasty divorce himself. Welcome, DJ Mikey D. Thank you for chiming in and adding your take and sound research from subject matter experts in marriage counseling.

Speaker 3:

Thank you for having me. When you mentioned you were producing a piece on sudden divorces, I had to chime in, as sudden announcements of divorce has happened to me. See for me, I was happily married for 13 years, have two amazing children. While I spare you all the details of the divorce, it was a surprise when my wife, out of nowhere, made the announcement that she wanted to move on. The worst part is it was not planned. There were no time to react or determine the best way to proceed. It was let's divorce and you have to leave the house. The circumstances was rather cold in a literal sense, because it was in the coldest month in a Colorado winter was rather cold in a literal sense because it was in the coldest month in a Colorado winter. Nevertheless, I had to respect her decision and leave as fast as she wanted me out of the house. While I was hurt and devastated, I was concerned about the kiddos and how they will winter Understanding the surprise announcement.

Speaker 3:

When a divorce comes as a shock to the children, it often feels like their world is turning upside down. While adults can typically see the signs of marital strain, children may be unaware of the tensions that preceded the announcement, even in cases where children have been aware of arguments or issues, they may not have expected the relationship to end in divorce. Psychologists note that sudden changes, especially involving family dynamics, can trigger feelings of insecurity, confusion and fear. Children often need time to process the information and might struggle to make sense of what the future holds.

Speaker 2:

Wow, how were you able to emotionally respond and what is your take on the emotional impact on children?

Speaker 3:

As I mentioned, I was devastated. I was unprepared. I had no money to get into another living situation, so I had to camp in my vehicle for a while. Certainly not the fun kind of camping Cars are like an icebox in the winter.

Speaker 3:

As for the emotional impact on children, the emotional reaction to a surprise divorce announcement varies depending on the child's age, maturity level and temperament, according to subject matter experts. However, there are common emotional responses children might experience, such as shock and confusion. For many children, the initial response is one of disbelief. They may not immediately understand why their parents are separating and this can lead to confusion. They might even worry that they played a role in the divorce. Sadness and loss. Divorce is a loss not only of a family structure, but also of the family unit as the child knows it. Children may mourn the idea of losing the family as they once understood it, as well as the change in living arrangements, routines and daily interactions.

Speaker 3:

Guilt and self-blame. A common reaction among children is the tendency to blame themselves for the divorce, especially if they feel they have caused tension between their parents. This can lead to guilt, anxiety and a decrease in self-esteem. Fear of the future Children may feel anxious about what comes next? Will they still see both parents? Will they need to move away from their friends or school? What happens if one parent moves far away? Fear of change is a natural response in such uncertain situations. Children might respond with anger. They may direct this toward one or both parents, particularly if they feel abandoned or betrayed. Anger can also be an expression of helplessness or frustration.

Speaker 2:

First, I am sorry you had to experience the loss and devastation of going through that ordeal. Divorce is something I don't wish upon anyone, especially when children are involved. I have to ask were there any signs that a divorce was imminent prior to the sudden announcement? You also mentioned that you have adult kids. That still, to this day, has issues and insecurities. Can there be an age-related response to sudden divorces?

Speaker 3:

Thank you. It is not easy. I to this day am still emotionally hurt for how it all went down. There were many signs. Again, without going too much in details because it's personal, during the COVID days she announced twice she wanted a divorce. I reacted and began the process of giving her space. Within months we found a middle ground to work it out. It was not the same type of love as was prior to COVID, but we were working on our happiness together as husband and wife. Yes, I do have two adult children from my first marriage. They both struggle. One son has anger issues. While he does not express aloud, he rarely speaks to me, despite my best efforts to talk with him.

Speaker 3:

I did some research and found that there is age-related responses to divorce. Children's reactions to divorce can also be shaped by their developmental stages. For example, young children from ages 2 to 6 are often unable to fully comprehend the complexities of divorce. Their understanding is limited, so they may interpret the situation in simple terms, like thinking their parents are angry with them. Children may interpret the situation in simple terms like thinking their parents are angry with them. They may become clingy, have trouble sleeping or exhibit regressive behaviors such as bedwetting.

Speaker 3:

Children ages 7 to 12 begin to grasp the concept of divorce and may feel a stronger sense of responsibility or guilt. They might also struggle to maintain relationships with both parents and can feel torn between the two. This age group may show signs of anxiety, sadness and difficulty focusing at school. Teenagers from age 13 to 18 years old tend to understand the gravity of divorce and may feel anger, betrayal or confusion. Some may distance themselves emotionally from one or both parents as a way of coping with the changes. This age group may also seek comfort from peers, which can sometimes complicate the situation further.

Speaker 2:

Wow, great insight. I do commend you for sticking it out and at least try and make it work. I hope I am not prying too much, but With the suddenness of the divorce, do you think there will ever be a chance of getting back together someday? In my research, I did come across some facts on coping strategies for parents that I want to share with parents who are going through similar situation as you did. As a parent, it's important to remember that, while your child's world is changing, you still have a role in helping them navigate this difficult transition. You still have a role in helping them navigate this difficult transition. Here are some strategies I researched that may help ease the impact of a surprise divorce announcement on your children.

Speaker 2:

First, be honest but age-appropriate. Children need the truth, but it should be delivered in a way that suits their age and emotional development. Be clear about the situation, but avoid oversharing adult details that might overwhelm or confuse them. Reassure them that the divorce is not their fault. 2. Maintain stability and routine. Children find comfort in routine. Try to maintain consistency in their daily life, such as keeping them in the same school, seeing the same friends and maintaining familiar household routines as much as possible. Stability can help mitigate some of the uncertainty they may feel. Three encourage open communication. Create a safe space for your children to express their feelings. Be patient and listen without judgment, letting them ask questions and share their concerns. Open communication will help them process the situation and feel supported.

Speaker 2:

4. Co-parenting with care, if possible. Strive for a cooperative and respectful relationship with your ex-spouse, even if emotions are running high. Keeping conflicts away from the children and showing them that both parents are committed to their well-being will provide a sense of security. Most importantly, try and have civil conversations. Try not to avoid speaking to your ex, as it will cause tension and confusion with the children. Lastly, seek professional help. If your child is struggling with a divorce, it might be helpful to seek therapy or counseling. A trained professional can help them work through their emotions in a safe and supportive environment. Therapy can also provide valuable coping strategies for both children and parents. In fact, it is also recommended that parents seek marriage counseling even if divorce is avoidable. This can help foster a great co-parenting opportunity as you both move on with life.

Speaker 3:

Thank you, great information. Do I hope for reconciliation? Of course I do. We made it 13 years. While I say our two amazing children gave a purpose, it was our ability to have laughter in our life, our dorkiness, creativeness, our ability to be great parents. She is an amazing mom to my kiddos. Despite the divorce, despite my anger, how it all went down, I will always love her and if it is in the plans, yes, I would welcome that opportunity. Okay, enough about me.

Speaker 3:

While research provides valuable insights into the general effects of divorce on children, every family's experience is unique. Having gone through a sudden divorce myself, I offer the following advice based on my experiences. First, it took time for my kids to come to terms with the divorce and I had to be patient with them. They were angry, confused and unsure of what was going to happen next. Reassuring them and making sure they knew they were loved by both of us helped. Second, both my ex and I continue to make sure to tell our kids regularly that this wasn't their fault and that we still loved them. It didn't solve everything, but it definitely gave them a sense of emotional stability during a time of turmoil. Lastly, it's important to let your kids express their feelings, even if it means they're upset with you. Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster for everyone, and it's okay for children to grieve the loss of the family they once knew.

Speaker 2:

DJ Mikey D, thank you for sharing your take on this subject. I always seem to pry in your life events. I do pray for you both and hopefully someday you do find each other. Never give up hope. Okay, time to wrap up another Great Day Radio podcast show.

Speaker 2:

So, as I conclude this portion, I say this Divorce is a major life event that can shake the foundation of a family, and a surprise divorce announcement can make the process even more challenging for children. However, with love, patience and careful attention to their emotional needs, parents can help their children adjust to the changes. By offering stability, fostering open communication and seeking professional support when necessary, parents can minimize the negative impact of divorce on their children and help them grow through this difficult transition. Thank you all for listening to our show. I encourage you to share this or other podcast shows that may be able to help someone going through a divorce or separated from their children due to a sudden divorce announcement. If you have a subject you would like to discuss, I encourage you to contact us at greatdayradiocom and click on let's Talk and leave a 60-second message.

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